The Total Drama Host: Then and Now
by pinkluver93
Summary: Did you ever wonder why Chris, the host of Total Drama, is sadistic, evil, and loves to see the campers suffer? Rated T for safety. *UPDATED* Best to read all chapters to understand the story completely.
1. Like Father, Like Son

So, I'm sure we've all asked this question: Why is 20-year old Chris so sadistic and cruel to the campers? Also, why does he enjoy their pain and suffering? Maybe this story will answer these and more. Let's take a ride in the virtual time machine and go back, waaaaay back. Enjoy:

Ontario, Canada, July of 1992. We start this story in a tan, two-story townhouse. Inside this house, an average height man, who goes by the name of Darren McClean, is talking on the phone.

"Yes, sir," Mr. McClean says to his boss. "Of course, I'll make sure I think of some great torture for the contestants.....yes, I'll do that.....okay, good-bye." The handsome, dark haired man with an evil smile man hangs up the phone. He sees his 4-year old son, Christopher, sitting on the couch, playing with an action figure. His father takes a seat next to him.

"You know, son," he starts. "This job I have is really hard work. It's different than being some common doctor, surgeon, or banker, ya know?"

Christopher, or Chris, starts to stare at his doll that wore a red cape. "I wanna be a superhero and save the world!" Chris says in a delighted voice of childhood. His father chuckled and patted his child's shoulder and said, "Listen, lil' dude, when kindergarten comes up in the fall, I'm pretty sure if you say that's what you wanna be, the kids'll probably laugh like crazy at you."

"Nuh-uh," Chris told his father. "Superheroes are cool and they get to save the world!"

"But Chris," his father told him. "Don't you wanna be a reality show host like your dad?"

"Nuh-uh," Chris smiled and said. "That job is dumb! Superheroes are betterist and they kick butt more!" This made his father chuckle a little bit.

"Yeah, well, what DOESN'T kick butt is that lame vocab of yours!"

"Oh, leave Chris alone," Shirley McClean, Chris' mother, said walking into the living room. "He's 4! You can't expect him to have perfect vocabulary!" Mr. McClean just sighed when he saw his short, blonde wife walk into the room.

"Oh, okay, Shirley!" He started. "Just let the boy walk into the world and be looked down on! No child of mine is walking anywhere on this planet without good charismatic skills! Also, no child of mine will walk on this planet, thinking they can be some stupid, lame, superhero! The freakin' things don't even exist! Even my job is smarter than a superhero will ever be!"

Chris started crying and took his doll up to his room and shut the door. Mrs. McClean couldn't believe her spouse.

"How could you?!" she told him. "He's just trying to enjoy childhood and you're ruining it for him! You shouldn't be torturing him like he's a contestant of that weird reality show! He's your son!" Mr. McClean found his mistakes and he looked a little bummed.

"Look, I know he's my boy," he told her. "I-I just want him to take after me, not some lame superhero named "Captain Crust"! I want him to live my dream. He has to learn someday that superheroes are figments of imagination!" Mrs. Mcclean tapped her husband's shoulder.

"I know, honey, but you can't tell him to early. Let him go through this little phase. I know you didn't get to have a fun childhood, but try not to ruin it for Chris, okay?"

Mr. McClean nodded his head. "I'll try." He kissed her and she walked away. He then sat down on the couch with a notebook and pen. "Let's create some new challenges for the victims-or I mean, contestants!" He had an evil-like chuckle and began to write.

Meanwhile, Chris sat on his bed alone in his room. His room was decorated with Captain Crust merchandise such as posters, bedspread, pillow, Captain Crust plushes, and much more. Chris was playing with the Captain Crust doll again. He had the doll since last Christmas, and he's been wondering about something for a while. What would happen if he pulled on the doll's head? Would it stay on the body like a real person's head would? Chris started to pull on the doll's head. He pulled harder and harder and harder until........POP! The head was off the doll. Chris was staring at the head and the body and then started laughing.

"THAT WAS AWESOME!" He yelled with happiness. Chris thought if pulling Captain Crust's head off was fun, would pulling his other body parts off be fun, too? Chris stopped wondering and started to do it. Somewhat easily, Chris pulled off the doll's arms, legs, and cape off in about 5 minutes. Chris was laughing histerically at Captain Crust, who was now into many pieces on the floor.

"Wait, I got more!" Chris said in his little boy's voice. He walked over to his toy closet, which revealed 50 more Captain Crust action figures. His family had so much money, that they decided to buy Chris a whole toy store full of Captain Crust action figures, just in case he happened to brake one of them. If he broke all those action figures, he could just ask his parents to get him more. They wouldn't mind because they were made of money. Meanwhile, Chris was smiling evily among his action figures.

"This is gonna be awesome! Hee-hee!" Chris took about 10 dolls from his closet and lined them up. He was about to play a very different game. A game that even his sadistic, torturing, father couldn't think of.

Oh no! What could this game be? Will Darren McClean change his attitude for his son's sake? Probably not. Find out next time! Also, if you guys have ideas for future chapter ideas, I'd really like to hear them! :D


	2. Operation: Make Confetti

Okay, I'm back with chappie 2! What will Chris do to the 10 poor little Captain Crust dolls he's lined up? Let's find out:

Chris was giggling with joy right about now. He had a plan to blow the dolls to pieces and have confetti to throw afterwards. Of course to do this, even tiny Chris knew this plan needed tools. Chris proceeded to walk downstairs, leaving the 10 dolls standing there. Once down the stairs, he knew the perfect place to look: the garage. A.K.A. the place where his father stashes different kinds of things both dangerous and safe so he could use them for his reality show.

Once Chris got to the garage, he found his father's special toolbox. "Locked," Chris said disappointed. He started to look around and close by him was a random bobby pin that was just lying there. Chris took this pin and pushed it inside the lock, which, after a while made the special toolbox open up. Lying below the young boy's dotted eyes was some of the world's most powerful equipment. There were all sorts of things like bombs, timers, matches, and....there it was. The one thing Chris was looking for: Dynamite. There were 10 sticks of the stuff. It wasn't very powerful dynamite though. His father was smart enough to keep the catastrophic dynamite out of Chris' reach. But even this kind of dynamite could cause damage, to the dolls, that is.

When Chris took the dynamite back to his room, he had an evil smile painted on his cute face. "It's dynamite time!" Chris said joyfully. After he lined up the dynamite right close to the dolls, he took out a package of matches he'd taken from the toolbox and lighted the dynamite up. After that, Chris jumped onto his bed and covered his ears. "5,4,3,2,1," Chris said. CRACKLE! CRACKLE! The dynamite soon blew the 10 dolls to pieces. Chris started cheering and jumping on his bed as the mini-explosion occured. As it ended, Chris looked delighted and satisfied. "THAT WAS AWESOME!!" Chris shouted, rubbing his hands evilly and looking down at his homemade confetti. He picked up the confetti and thought about something. "I could use this someday," he said. He found a shoebox and a blue marker. He put the confetti and matches into the box. Afterwards, he wrote this on the box: "Chris's Tewl Bawx." He placed this box under the bed, hoping nobody would find it. He decided to remember this day forever.

Sorry if the chappie is short lol. I promise the next one will be longer and even better! How will Chris's first day of kindergarten go? Who will he meet? Find out next time! :D :D :D


	3. Life Outside Mom and Dad

Yay! 2 chappies to this story up in one day! Wow... Anyway....We're going into the virtual time machine yet again to go to Chris' 1st day of kindergarten. How will it go? Find out now:

August 20, 1992. Ontario, Canada. We see Mrs. McClean driving her light blue 4-door sedan, with Chris in the back seat. He's combing his short, dark hair with a comb his father had given him. Chris thought his dad would never give up the comb, but he did. Meanwhile, Mrs. McClean has parked in the parking lot of a school called, "Ruby Lake Elementary School." The school obviously got its name from the medium-sized lake that was seen in the back of the school, ironically called "Ruby Lake." Then, Mrs. McClean looked at her son, who looked a little sad.

"What's wrong, honey?" she asked. "It's your first day of kindergarten! You get to meet new people and experience life outside of home!" Chris got a scared look on his face.

"But, I don't wanna go," he started, "I wanna be with my daddy and ask him why he hates superheroes."

"Chris," his mom started. "Daddy doesn't hate superheroes, he's probably just jealous because you want to be like a superhero and not be like him." She started to unbuckle her seat belt and checked her makeup in the mirror.

"Mommy, what does "jello" mean?"

"What do you mean, dear?"

"Well, why is daddy "jello" of Captainn Crust?"

"Oh, you mean "jealous". "Jealous" means that, well, your dad doesn't like the fact that you seem to like superheroes more than him. He wants you to appreciate him more, that's all. Now come on, you're gonna be late!"

20 minutes until kindergarten would start, Chris stood in his classroom with awe. There were fingerpaintings and all sorts of things on the walls, small tables and cute colorful chairs that were right by them. Chris also noticed the tall, female teacher and all the boys and girls that were experiencing their first day as well. Just then, Chris decided to be independent.

"Okay, mommy, you can go now," Chris started. "I wanna see the awesomeness of this place!" His mother smiled.

"Well, okay, sweetie. Have a good day! I'll pick you up after school!" After they hugged and kissed good-bye, Chris started to

explore the room. He spotted a bunch of building blocks on top of a huge rug. He started to walk towards them when a largee figure blocked his way.

"Go away, shrimp, these are my blocks!" the abnormally pale boy said. Chris had a plan to play with those blocks somehow.

"Okay," he started. "You can play with them." After he said this, the boy nodded his head and turned around to play with the blocks. Chris smiled when he saw the huge rainbow rug. He grabbed a hold of the rug and made it roll by itself. Now, the stunned obese boy was rolled up like a pig in a blanket. Chris was hiding after he let the rug roll, so no one knew it was him. He started to play with the blocks when the fat boy accused him of something.

"Hey shrimp! You rolled me up! Now you're gonna help me get out!" chris looked at him with a face of innocence.

"But, I didn't do it, I swear! I'm just here playing with the blocks!"

"Nuh-uh, you're such a liar! My mommy hates liars! You're gonna go to a place where liars have t-" Before the fat boy could fininsh his sentence, someone had kicked the rug to make it roll again. It was another boy, this time he was dark-skinned and had a somewhat muscley figure as well.

"I hate that boy!" he said loudly. "He tried to call me a wimp! What'd he call you?" He was now talking to Chris.

"He called me a shrimp just because I wanted to play with the blocks!"

"Oh," the boy started. "Well, I guess he gots a point. My name's Shane Hatchet, but just call me Hatchet, or else! What's yours?"

"My name's Christopher, but call me Chris!" The two shook hands. Just then, a bell is heard. All the kids took their seats at the tables. Soon after, the tall teacher took a piece of chalk and wrote her name on the board. It read "Mrs. Pine." After writing it, she turned to the kids.

"You guys know what that says?" The teacher said with a half-smile. "It says "Mrs. Pine", but if you can't say that, DON'T ever call me "Teacher." You call me Mrs. P instead. If you can't say that," She started to chuckle a little. "You guys'll be in trouble." Then she started to distribute pieces of paper and pencils to the class. "Now you guys are gonna write your name down and introduce yourselves, like I just did. You'll come up by the chalkboard with your piece of paper with your name on it, and you'll say, "Hi! I'm-and that's where you'll say your first and last name. Got it?" The students nodded and a couple of them said "yeah." and the class wrote down their names. Chris didn't really like this teacher.

"I don't think I like her," he whispered. "She thinks we're dumb or something." Chris whispered, writing his name down. Hatchet agreed to this.

"All teachers think that," he said. "They actually think they're better than us!"

"Okay," Mrs. Pine started, "I think all of you are done writing down your names. Now let's call the first one to introduce themselves!" The classroom could hear her pumps as she walked around the room, looking for the first victim. She walked to Chris and Hatchet's table, looking down on them. "How about we start with the little chatterbox right here!" she said, pointing to Chris. "Maybe instead of talking about me, you can make yourself useful and introduce yourself!" With that, Chris walked up to the chalkboard with his piece of paper and read it aloud.

"Hi," he said. "My name is Chris McClean and....." he glanced at Mrs. Pine. "I don't like teachers!" The classroom gasped at this. Mrs. Pine quickly walked up to him with a glare and grabbed his shirt collar.

"You're lucky it's your first day," Mrs. Pine growled at him. "Better watch out, or you're in for a long year!" she warned him with her pointer finger. With that, Chris walked back to his seat, not terrified one bit. Hatchet was actually impressed by Chris and his braveness.

"Wow, man, that was brave!" Chris was happy with himself as well.

"Yeah, I'm awesome, aren't I?" Chris said arrogantly. After he said this, more kids introduced themselves. Mrs. Pine was also cruel to some of these kids as well. All the kids now knew their teacher was evil to a core.

At lunchtime, the kids ate their bagged lunches in the classroom. One of the school's rules was that kindergarteners couldn't eat in the cafeteria and eat the school lunch until they made it to 1st grade. Ruby Lake didn't want to push everything onto the newcomers at one time. But they did offer them the school milk as a drink choice. Meanwhile, Chris and Hatchet were enjoying their lunches. Chris' lunchbag contained applesauce, ham sandwich, and had a chocolate school milk along with it. Hatchet, however, had a small package of tuna fish, two slices of cabbage, a tomato, a sliced pickle, a piece of cheese, and a chocolate school milk. Chris just stared at his lunch dumbfoundedly.

"How come yours isn't made already?" he said. Hatchet started making a sandwich while saying, "Because I like to make my own meals. It's fun!"

"Oh, you wanna be a chef when you're a grown-up?" Hatchet chuckled a little bit.

"No way!" he started. "I'm gonna be in the military and be in a war!"

"That's awesome!" Chris said. Hatchet nodded his head in agreement.

After school, Chris' mother was parked in front of the school to pick him up. When Chris walked outside and saw her, he ran up and got into the car. He was happier than ever.

"So, how'd your first day go?" his mom asked.

"It was good, mommy, very good! I think I'll like school!"

"That's great!" his mom said. "You get to go tomorrow, too! But you'll be riding the school bus this time!"

A bus? Chris wasn't so sure if he wanted to go on a bus. What if even bigger kids try to eat him? How will he get to the 1st grade and eat in the cafeteria? I'm gonna die, Chris thought.

See, told you it'd be longer! What will happen in chappie 4? Will Chris' bus ride go smoothly? Let's cross our fingers and hope so. Thanks for reading and I'll see you next time! :D :D :D


	4. School Buses, Girls, and Cooties

Hey everybody! Thanks so much for the reviews! You guys rock! What will happen to pee-wee Chris today? Let's read and find out:

6:00 a.m. the next morning, Chris was ecstatic and somewhat frightened of his first day of school. He was ecstatic because he liked school, but frightened because he had to ride a school bus. If both his parents didn't have to go to work, then they could just drive him to school. Maybe I could drive the car to school, so I don't have to take that dumb bus, Chris thought. Just then, he saw his dad's car keys on the kitchen table. "Jackpot," Chris said with an evil smile. He ran up and grabbed the keys and ran up to his dad's car that was parked outside of the garage. He quickly looked for the car key, opened the door and sat down, and somehow started the ignition. He started looking at the car's controls. "Which button drives the car?" Before he could find it, his dad ran outside and stopped his son. He opened the door up.

"What are you doing, kid?" he started. "You could've blown the car up including yourself!" Chris gave him a happy and excited look.

"Really?" Chris started. "That'd be awesome! Let me blow the car up!" Mr. McClean then lifted his son out of the car.

"Oh no," he started, putting his son down. "You're not driving 'till you're 40, or at least a long time. But get yourself dressed because you're gonna take the bus to school."

"Aww, man!" Chris said walking into the house. Mr. McClean just rolled his eyes at his adventurous son.

When Mr. McClean and Chris reached the bus stop, they said they're good-byes.

"You know you're taking the bus home too, right?" Chris just had a disappointed look.

"Yeah, I guess," he said. After he said this, a small school bus pulled up. The two hugged and said their "good-byes" and Chris got onto the bus and took a seat in the middle of the bus. He waved to his father as the bus drove off.

While on the bus, Chris noticed something very scary. He saw the pale, fat boy that he encountered in his classroom the first day sitting three seats ahead of him. Chris tried to hide from him, but a 5-year old girl with glasses, blue tank dress with a white shirt underneath, and red hair with blue ribbons tying the hair up in pigtails from the seat in front of him greeted him.

"Hey there!" she said to him. "My name's Penelope! Are you in kindergarten too?"

"Uhhh, yeah," Chris said freaked out. "My name's Chris and I....." Penelope cut him off.

"Hi there, Chris!" He waved to her with a shy smile. "Hey, do you know what 2+4 is?" She asked him in a sophisticated tone.

"Uhhh...." Chris said. Penelope cut him off.

"It's 6!" she started. "I know people don't learn that in kindergarten, but I'm like a child prodigy. I'm intelligent and I have good enthusiasm! That's because my parents taught me alot of academics before I even entered school!" She smiled happily. Chris didn't understand a word she was saying.

"Wow," he started. "I didn't understand a word you said." As he said this, the pale, fat boy cut in.

"That's because you're just a dumb shrimp!" he said. "People should call you "Shrimp" instead of your real name." Penelope glared at the boy.

"Hey!" she started. "His name's not "Shrimp", his name is Chris! Wouldn't you feel bad if someone called you a "fat piece of chalk"?"

"No," he said. "That's because my name is Ron, you dumb nerd girl!" She just glared at him, while Chris was lying low and staying out of the fight. They both stuck their tongues out at each other and ignored each other for the rest of the bus ride.

"Wow, you told him off," Chris told Penelope. "That was awesome!"

"Thanks!" she said, smiling at him. After she said this, the school bus stopped at the school and the kids were getting off. Penelope said her good-byes to him.

"Well, hope to see you soon!" she said walking off the bus. Maybe the school bus won't be so bad after all, Chris thought. She could protect me from that Ron dude! Awesome!

At recess that day, Chris and Haychet were playing on the slide.

"You know something?" Hatchet said. "Mrs. Pine is even meaner than I thought!"

"Yeah, I know!" Chris agreed. "How could she make us say all those weird letters backwards when we just learned them today and she yells at us for it?" Hatchet just nodded his head.

"I wish I knew." he said. Just then, Chris notices Penelope playing on the swings. He proceeds to hide under the slide. Hatchet went under there with him.

"What'cha hiding for?"

"I don't want that girl to find me. She's been following me all day!" Chris points to the girl while saying this. Hatchet looked scared as he saw the girl.

"Hmmm, I would watch out if I were you," Hatchet warned his friend. "I heard girls have cooties!"

"What are cooties?" Chris asked with a curious look.

"Cooties are these germ things you get when you touch a girl! I heard if you get 'em, everyone stays away from you and people call you a "girl-lover"!" Chris somewhat smiled at this.

"I wonder if we got 'em too?" Chris started looking at his bluish shirt, tan pants, and even in his hair. "No cooties on me!"

"Me neither!" Hatchet said in a relieved voice. Well, Chris thought, I'll have to make sure that girl doesn't touch me! I don't want cooties!

Later when Chris got home, he was in his room playing with a Captain Crust action figure. He decided he was going to spare this doll and keep it from blowing up and pulling his pieces apart. "I wanna play with another one now!" Chris started towards his closet and grabbed another Captain Crust doll. Before he could walk towards his bed, someone was in front of him.

"HI CHRIS!!!" It was Penelope! Chris screamed and backed away from her. Oh no, Chris thought, I'm gonna get those icky cooties! NOOO!

Well, what a chappie, huh? In chappie 5, how will Chris Jr. react to Penelope being in his room? Will he throw her out the window? Will he get the terrible, awful cooties?!?! These questions will be answered in the next chappie! :D :D :D


	5. Take that, meanie!

So, now we're at chappie 5! What will Chris do about Penelope? Why is she in his room? Let's read for these answers and more:

Chris started to back away and stay far from the girl. Even a smart kid like Penelope was confused at his actions.

"Why are you backing away from me?" she asked.

"Why are you in my room?" Chris said, freaked out. "How did you get up here? What are-" Penelope cut him off.

"I made a jetpack from scratch and I flew up to your window. Is that weird?" She asked him as if she thought it wasn't.

"W-w-well I dunno how you-"

"I followed you home today. When I found out where you lived, I went home and got my jetpack, flew back here, flew up to your window, and now I'm in your room!" Then she started looking around his room at all his posters and decorations. "Your very cool, masculine, pristine, outstanding room!" Chris took a glance around his room as well.

"I don't know what those words mean, but just don't touch me! You have cooties and I don't want 'em!" As he said this, he put his arms out in front of him.

"There's no such thing as cooties-"

"Yes there is!" Chris cut her off.

"Chris, Chris, Chris, you can be so gullible at times." she said smiling at him. He just stared at her freaked out.

All of a sudden, Penelope looked at her tiny, blue watch. "Oh no, I gotta go! I'm late for disecting a rat! I'll see you tomorrow, Chris!" With that, Penelope flew out of his window. He was glad she didn't touch any of his belongings with her cootie-infested hands.

The next day at school, Mrs. Pine had tought the class to sing "The Alphabet Song." After singing it about three times, Mrs. Pine was holding up things that started with the letter "A". After that, she asked the class to give examples of anything that starts with "A". Hatchet raised his hand and Mrs. Pine picked it.

"Ummmm, animal?"

"Very good, Hatchet! Anybody else want to try?" She sees Chris' hand go up. "Yes, Chris?" she said with a sigh.

"Can I go to the potty?"

"NO!" Mrs. Pine barked. "We go as a class to the washrooms after lunch!"

"But I really have t-"

"PIPE DOWN YOU RUGRAT!" After she said this, the whole class gasped. When she knew Chris would be quiet, she continued her lesson. Just then, when Mrs. Pine wasn't paying attention, Hatchet whispered something to Chris.

"Did you really have to go?"

"Nope," Chris responded. "I just wanted to get out of this class. I hate this teacher!"

"I think everybody does," As Hatchet said this, they see kids frowning and pouting because they have to be stuck with the horrible Mrs. Pine. Maybe I could do something fun, Chris thought. Something that'll scare Mrs. Pine to the core!

It was the 10th day of school and Chris had a good plan figured out. As he got off the bus, he got a white mouse out of his Captain Crust backpack. He hid it in his hand and went to Mrs. Pine's classrooom. There he got out a big jar of applesauce. He opened the jar and put the mouse in it, making the mouse crawl around in it. When Mrs. Pine would open the jar, she'd yell her throat out at the sight of the rodent. Chris got an evil smile and started laughing. He actually couldn't wait until class started.

When the bell had rung, the kids were in their seats and Mrs. Pine came in to the room.

"Good morning," she said to all of the kids. They said good morning back. Just as she was walking to her desk, she noticed the jar of applesauce. A note on the applesauce read, "To Mrs. Pine". Mrs. Pine gave a smile.

"Well, isn't this sweet?" she said taking out a spoon. "I can have some scrumptious applesauce to brighten my day." Chris and Hatchet were trying to hold their laughter. They both knew the plan very well. When Mrs. Pine opened the jar, she saw the mouse crawling inside.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" she screamed as she drooped the jar. All the kids were laughing as she was freaking out. The mouse was crawling by her. She started freaking out and hid behind her desk. The kids were still laughing as the mouse crawled back to Chris.

"Take that, meanie!" Chris said to himself as he picked the mouse up. He put it into his backpack.

Mrs. Pine had gotten back up. This time, it looked like she was covered in applesauce. She had dropped the jar behind her desk and accidentally sat in it. The kids started laughing again. Mrs. Pine started to heat up.

"BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The kids quieted down. "Now who was the lil' joker that did this? Someone better confess!"

All the kids were quiet and looked around at each other. Even Hatchet was quiet about the prank.

"No one wants to confess?" Still no answer. "Well, since no one wants to spit it out, we'll do it the hard way!" She walked back to her desk and looked at some paperwork. The kids stayed quiet. The rest of the day would definately be regretful. Everybody knew so.

Coming next chappie, what will Mrs. Pine do to make the rugrats spill the beans? Will she find out who did it? Find out next time! :D :D


	6. Demeanifying Mrs Pine

Okay, chappie six is here! Will Mrs. Pine make one of the kids spill the beans? Let's find out:

By now, Mrs. Pine had all her little victims on the lined up on the right side of the classroom. Ron was the tallest of all the kids, even Hatchet, who was muscular for his young age. Alot of the kids were scared because of what the horrible Mrs. Pine would do. Hatchet was a little scared, but Chris just smiled and showed no fear for Mrs. Pine to smell. Suddenly, Mrs. Pine started walking up and down the line of students. Her bushy, frowning eyebrows showed that she was pepper mad.

"So," she began fiercely. "One of you rugrats decided to pull a prank on me! Hmmmph! I can't say I'm surprised! It's been happening throughout all my years of teaching!" A couple students giggled, which Mrs. Pine didn't hear. "Let's get something straight because I think you're all old enough to know. When you get to middle school in 6th grade," She paused for a second and looked down at Chris. "There will be even more dumb, nuisant children that will pull pranks on teacher everytime they get a chance!" She started walking away from Chris as he shrugged his shoulders. "So now, I'm at a point. Either one of you squeals, or," She glances at the clock, which read 11:00 a.m. and continued. "Recess will be cancelled until someone does!" The kids looked a little scared as she continued. When I find the child who put that rodent in the applesauce, the innocent children will play. The naughty boy, girl, or other," She glanced at Chris as she said "other". "...........will sit in a chair and stare at the blank wall for the next 6 recesses!" The whole class gasped as they looked at the dull, incredibly boring wall area that had no color, posters, or anything fun. A dull chair was facing this wall.

I don't wanna sit there for 6 recesses, Chris thought. I have to squeal on myself or my classmates and I won't have any recess until someone does! I'm the one who did it, not Hatchet, Ron, or that kid who eats glue and sits by himself. I'm their only hope. Finally, Chris raised his hand and said something.

"Mrs. Pine, I have something to say," he started. The class gasped and Mrs. Pine smiled and walked over to him.

"Well, Christopher," she said looking down on him. He didn't like it when people called him that. "Do you have something to share with the rest of the class? I'm sure they'd love it if you confessed to your crime so they could have recess, while you stare at a blank wall!" Chris then began his speech in a nervous way.

"Well, I-I just don't see why we got blamed for the applesauce-rat thing," Chris started, acting innocent. Mrs. Pine and his fellow classmates listened. "All we did was laugh cuz it was funny, b-but it doesn't mean that we did it. It could've been one of those other "kinsergarmers"." Mrs. Pine noticed he mispronounced "kindergartener". She knew it was typical for his age. Chris put his head down and looked back up at Mrs. Pine with an innocent face. "We all like you alot, Mrs. Pine. If we didn't, then it would be us who pulled the prank. Maybe the people that don't like you did it. The point is that..........w-we're innocent."

The entire class was speechless. Mrs. Pine couldn't believe her hairy ears. She was somewhat impressed by Chris's monologue.

"Well," Mrs. Pine said. "I didn't think I'd ever say this, but.............you're a good boy for standing up for your classmates." Chris started to smile. "I guess at this point, it doesn't matter if I got covered in applesauce or saw a rodent. You actually had enough pride to stand up to me and prove your point just because you wanted recess back. You know what, I'm so impressed, that I've decided to let everyone have their childish recess back! Go play!" The kids started cheering and patted Chris on the back as Mrs. Pine let the kids go out to play on the playground. Before Chris and Hatchet could go outside, Ron stood in front of them. He looked at Chris with a tiny grin.

"Good job on geting recess back, but you're still dumb and stupid, Shrimp!" He ran outside to play. Hatchet walked with Chris and just glared at the big boy.

"Who cares what he says?" Hatchet started. "He's just jealous cuz he didn't save recess like you did!"

"Thanks," Chris said. "I'm happy that Mrs. Pine doesn't hate us anymore, at least I think she doesn't." He sat on the swing as Hatchet took the one next to him.

"She probably got so impressed, she has happy things growing in her head!" Hatchet said. "Maybe we'll get to do alot more fun stuff this year!"

Chris nodded his head. "I still can't wait for 1st grade! Maybe this year'll go by faster so we can get to 1st grade and eat in the coffin-teria!"

"I know!" Hatchet said as he hi-fived his buddy. I wish I had a time machine, Chris thought. I could go to 1st grade and become a man and eat in the cattleteria! Too bad I don't have one. Im forced to wait like everyone else.

I have a time machine! HAHA!! Lol anyway, in chappie 7, the kiddies will be in 1st grade at last! Will their teacher be another Mrs. Pine? Will they enjoy the cafeteria? Who will they meet next? Find out next time! :D :D :D :D 


	7. Guess who's in 1st Grade

I'm back with chapter 7! Thanks to all of the reviewers and/or readers and I hope you all have a happy holiday! You guys inspire me to write! Anyway, we're taking another virtual time machine ride to Chris's 1st day of 1st grade. What will happen to Chris? Will 1st grade be worth the long wait? Let's find out now:

Ruby Lake Elementary School, August 20, 1993. Chris and Hatchet are waiting outside their new 1st grade classroom they were assigned to go to. They were wearing ecstatic expressions on their faces. The 1st day would start in 10 minutes and all the kids lined up would go inside. Chris couldn't contain himself.

"We made it!" Chris said. "No more Mrs. Pine, no more in-classroom lunches, this is gonna be the bestest year ever!"

"I can't wait to see who are teacher is," Hatchet replied.

"Yeah, I hope he/she is intelligent and has a proper masters degree in teaching!" A familiar voice said. Chris and Hatchet looked behind them.

"PENELOPE?!?!" the boys said in unison.

"Hello, my fellow classmates!" she said happily. Chris just stared at her in awe.

"Wh-wh-what are you d-"

"This is my assigned classroom!" Penelope exclaimed. "Did you boys know that a rule of this school is once you're assigned to your classroom for the year, you can't switch out of them? That's why I hope this teacher is beyond adequate!"

"So, what if our teacher is evil or mean?" Hatchet said.

"Or isn't fun or teaches anything?" Chris said. Penelope thought about that.

"I guess it's tough rats for us," she said. "Ah, don't get your shoelaces in a bunch, boys. I got a class with you, it's not all bad!" With that, the walking brain walked up to the classroom door and looked in the window with wonder.

"At least last year she wasn't in our class." Chris whispered to Hatchet, who nodded in agreement.

Not too long later, the kids were sat inside the classroom. There were 6 medium sized tables with three chairs at each table. Hatchet and Chris sat at a table in the back, where Penelope followed and took the seat closest to Chris. She continually glanced at Chris while he sat in his seat freaked out. Hatchet just laughed.

"Penelope and Chris sitting in a tree, K-I-" Chris cut his friend off.

"Look," Chris pointed to the opening door. A curvy shadow was inside the classroom, but nobody was there. All the young children stared closely at the shadow. The person was standing outside the classroom doing something. A sound wasn't heard. Anticipation was spread among the students as they hoped 1st grade would be a good year.

Coming in chappie 8, who is the new teacher? Is it a male, female, or other? What will the year unfold now that Penelope has Chris's class? Find out next time! :D :D :D :D


	8. New Discoveries and Jealousy

The curvy shadow was still outside the room. The kids couldn't handle the anticipation much longer! Then....something happened. Just the teacher walking in. A woman. Not just a woman, a beautiful woman. Chris gazed at her. She had long, straight blond hair, beady blue eyes, bodacious red-colored lips, and a curvy body. She wore a half-buttoned white polo shirt, blue jean skirt, and black pumps, similar to Ms. Pine's shoes. Of course, Penelope saw Chris stare at the teacher and got irritated.

"I hope you don't think you like this so-called teacher..."  
"I may. If she's nicer than my last teacher, than I'll really like her!" Penelope just looked away as Chris and Hatchet stared at the teacher.

Then the teacher went to the board and gently wrote her name. It read, "Miss Lola". She started to speak.

"As you can see, my name is Miss Lola. I hope I get to teach you children many things this year." The male students were in awe at the teacher's beautiful voice. "Now that you all know my name, I'd like you all to come up and say your name and whatever else you'd like to say, but make it short like I did." She looked around the room and found Hatchet's table. "How about you? Come up and introduce yourself." Hatchet came up, not taking his eyes off Miss Lola. He started.

"M-my name is, well, I wanna be called Hatchet, cuz I don't like my first name." Miss Lola just smiled.

"That's alright, Hatchet, if you're comfortable with the name you choose, we are too." She then caught Chris from the corner of her eye. "How'd you like to go next, dear?"

Chris happily went up by Miss Lola. I wonder if she likes to hear me say nice things about her? Chris thought. Then he started.

"My name is Chris. I think.... Miss Lola is very prettiful." Penelope's mouth was wide open as she sat startled. Miss Lola just beamed.

"Why thank you, Chris. I think you're very handsome as well!" Chris went to sit down as she called other students up. Penelope was disappointed.

"Chris, how could you? You just walk up there like a overconfident being and say "prettiful"? If you're gonna compliment the teacher, atleast use a real word!" Chris was still staring at the teacher.

"B-but I thought it was a word. I had to say something...."  
"Maybe she'll teach us new words this year.." Hatchet said, who still stared at Miss Lola. Penelope, along with her classmates, were really young. Even a smart girl like her couldn't understand why the male students drooled over the teacher like she was a chocolate pie. I must find out why these boys are acting weird, Penelope thought.

At lunch, Chris, Hatchet, and Penelope sat together in the cafeteria. Penelope was dazzled at her new surroundings. "I'm so happy we get to eat her now! Not to mention this room is filled with..rare refreshments." Penelope poked at the green slob that was her lunch. "Aren't you guys ecstatic like I am?"

The boys seemed like they were in deep thought. Penelope snapped her fingers in their faces and they came back to Earth.

"Oh, sorry Penelope," Chris said, "I just can't believe we have Miss Lola for a teacher! She's the best!"

"She's so much better than our last teacher! She's nicer, prettier, and her voice is better!" Hatchet said.

Penelope couldn't believe it. They were already putting Miss Lola on a pedistool.

"This is only the first day. What if she's not what she seems? She could end up being a meanie too! Like my father says, never judge a book by it's cover."

"But Miss Lola isn't a book, she's a teacher." Chris said.  
"It's a figure of speech. It applies to real life events." Penelope replied. Before she could finish her last sentence, they were already rambling about Miss Lola again. With that, Penelope walked to another table and sat down. She began to go deep into thought.

Hmmm, Penelope thought. I remember my father acting starstruck like these boys. It was a television show he was watching. It had doll-looking females walking on a platform while other people in the audience watched. These women strangely looked alot like Miss Lola. My father looked at all these women like they were Greek Goddesses or those mythical Sirens. Me, I just look at them like when I look at my feet: Okay, not that big of a deal. They're just feet. They're just females. Why are they better than me? If only I knew, Penelope thought. 


	9. Difference Between Learn and Love

The next day in school, Miss Lola was teaching her students. Chris, Hatchet, and most of the male students looked at her, instead of actually listening and learning to the lesson. Of course, Penelope and the other female students participated with full attention. Miss Lola got a knock at her door, and she went to answer it. Meanwhile, Penelope got the two boys to pay attention.

"You know boys, you really shouldn't observe Miss Lola too closely anymore." "Why?" Chris asked sadly.  
"Because!"  
"That's not a reason!" Hatchet replied.  
"This is school, boys, not an observation tower. She's teaching material that will benefit our growing minds for the rest of our lives, and the poor lady thinks you're ACTUALLY paying attention!" Chris gave himself defense.

"Penelope, she's prettiful and cool. We'll go to the next grade easily, she won't be like my teacher last year."  
"You actually wanna go to another teacher next year?" Hatchet said. "If Miss Lola would be my teacher forever, I'd hold myself back in 1st grade forever!"

The two boys sighed, like they were bedazzled. Penelope couldn't believe what was happening. Soon, Miss Lola came back in.

"Sorry little dears. Now back to the lesson." Penelope raised her hand. "Yes Penelope?"

"Miss Lola, I think if you were to ask all of us questions on the material you taught, you can see who is actually paying generous attention and who wants to learn." Miss Lola loved the idea.

"Very good idea, dear. Okay class, I'm going to ask you questions about the things I've taught you."

She looked around the room for a student to call on.

"Chris." He stared at her.  
"Y-you're pretty...Miss..Lola."  
"Well..why thank you, Chris. Now I'm going to ask you a question about what we learned."  
"Okay." Chris was barely paying attention during the lesson. Miss Lola prepared a question.

"Okay. So, let's say you have a basket full of..9 eggs. You decide to take 3 eggs out of the basket. How many eggs are in the basket?"

Chris was still in a daze.

"Chris?"  
"Ummm...."  
"Come on, dear, we just learned this."  
"There's....ummm.."

"Chris, Miss Lola asked you a question." Penelope said.  
"Oh! I know the answer!" Miss Lola was delighted.  
"Great Chris! What is it?"  
"The answer is....me and Miss Lola are gonna be married!"

The whole class gasped, and Penelope gasped even louder. Miss Lola didn't know what to say.

"Excuse me dears, I have to step outside for something." Hatchet was startled.

"Wow, you really did it, Chris.....you did a good job! Now you guys are gonna be married in a castle!" "Yay!" Chris and Hatchet high-fived.  
"That's not good at all!" Penelope said. Chris looked at her funny.

"Why?"  
"Because you got the answer wrong, you embarassed the teacher, and worst of all, you showed her that you didn't pay attention to her lesson, which means you missed out on essential learning skills!" Chris was still so confused.

"What's that mean?" Penelope knew what to say. This would make him concerned.  
"It means...that Miss Lola probably won't like you anymore and you'll be taken out of her class!"

Oh no, Chris thought. I have to get Miss Lola to like me again. I thought all girls wanted to be married, I thought it was okay to say. What do I do now, Chris thought. 


	10. Change, More Than Just Pocket Coins

After that happened with Miss Lola, some of the little girls seemed to be bedazzled by Chris's charm, much to Penelope's dislike. They thought of fairy tales and wanted to live happily ever after with him. It turned out that new things were coming for little Chris. His father's reality show became very hyped and all the people started to notice. This meant more people knowing about his son. It meant ladies gasping everytime they saw him, fainting when he walked by, and the boys were either jealous, hateful, or wanted to be him.

As he grew, he was just a magnet, he never had a real girlfriend. Chris felt he was too good for any girl, even his friend Penelope. He liked checkin' the chicks out, but never wanted a relationship. Penelope didn't mind this of course, she thought one day Chris would mature and save himself for her. She, Chris, and Hatchet remained friends all the way. But one day in 7th grade, something was about to be uncovered:

Ruby Lake Junior high School, lunch period. Chris is standing by his locker, staring at himself in the mirror, almost like making love to it.

"Ooh, you look good enough to eat don't ya!" He starts to kiss the mirror. Then a voice pops up.

"Am I interrupting a special date?" He looks over to see Penelope, in a white polo shirt and blue skirt, with her red hair tyed in a ponytail and thick rimmed glasses.

"Oh hey Penelope! I-I was just, uh, primping." He smiles, she just rolls her eyes and giggles.

"Well, um, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but...I'm switching schools..." Chris looked somewhat blank.

"That sucks. But why?"  
"My parents want me to have an increasingly better education at a private school. This school is in the rags, they say. I'm surprised the son of a gigantic celebrity is still going here." She refered to her short, attractive friend. He rolled his eyed and laughed.

"School is school, you always learn the same thing every-"

"But anyway, I have no time for any going away parties or any hoopla. We gotta pack our bags, we're moving to the Far West!" Soon, Hatchet walked by.

"Where's that you're moving to?"

"Yukon! Whitehorse to be specific. Did you know Yukon means "Great River" in Gwich'in?" At this point, Chris was somewhat sad.

"But that's like far from here. My dad'll never go there!" Hatchet seemed sad too.

"What's so great about that place? It's in the middle of nowhere, just a bunch of trees, nature and crap!" Penelope gasped.

"Now now, don't curse my futuristic place of residence!" She scolded. The boys were still sad that their friend all the way from 1st grade was leaving. She couldn't help but try to make them smile one last time before the weekend would come and she'd be gone...forever.

"But guys, can't you understnad? I'll definately have a better future there. It's nothing against you boys, it's just that...I guess, Ontario really has nothing left for me or my parents anymore. They got awesome jobs there that pay well and they found me a school!" Chris spoke up.

"Yeah, and it'll be full of stuck up losers that look at themselves all the time." Hatchet and Penelope look at him. Chris knew why they were looking "Okay I know! But...they do it more than I do, way more!"

"To the point," Penelope continued. "Things sometimes have to change, for better or worse. It IS a part of life after all. Like...things changed for you Chris! Even when I'm gone, you'll have a bunch of girls after you and-" All of a sudden, a girl walks by and faints with joy as she sees Chris. He smiles.

"They jus love this face!" Hatchet rolls his eyes and giggles. Penelope smiles at Hatchet.

"And Hatchet, even though life may still be the same with your good friend Chris, change will come for you and it'll turn you into the most terrific cook there ever was!" He blushed.

"Nah, I'm not that good! I can barely crack an egg." Soon after, the bell rang.

"I'll see you boys outside the school tomorrow for final goodbyes, right?" Chris spoke up.

"Maybe we can see you leave before going on the plane?" Penelope giggled.

"The flight leaves Saturday morning at 4." He insisted.

"We'll both be there, right Hatchet?" He smiled. Hatchet grouched about the time.

"Man, too early for me to wake up dude! I'll probably be too tired to get up!"

"I'll drag you outta bed, how bout that?" Chris told him. Penelope tuned in.

"You don't have to make it a big fiasco gentlemen, saying goodbye can't be this hard!" She smiled and giggled.

"...We'll be at the airport before you leave, no matter what!" Chris said.

"Yeah, what he said P." He agreed with Chris.

She smiled as the three said bye and went to class. She would get to see her long time (and only) friends before leaving for a new strange place. She was more happier than ever.

3:30 a.m. that Saturday morning at the airport. Penelope was dressed in comfortable clothing so she'd be comfy on the plane. Sure enough, Chris and Hatchet were there by the baggage surveyeor belt. She gave a huge group hug to them.

"I'm so glad you guys were able to come! You really didn't have to!"

"Meh, I did it so I wouldn't have a guilt trip following me." He jokingly said.

While her parents boarded the plane ready to take off, their daughter stuck behind to talk to her friends one last time. She was giving them both personal goodbyes, starting with Hatchet.

"Garlic is actually a very important ingredient, maybe experiment it with rat poison!" Hatchet smiled.  
"I actually like that! Sounds like a good torture, heheh."  
"Don't torture so many people though, okay?" They had one final hug. "So long Hatchet, and...thank you for your dear friendship."  
"You too, Penelope. Hope life goes well for you." He feels his stomach growl. "Hey Chris, meet me at the food court when you're done, I got the night hungers." He went to the food court. Chris and Penelope are now facing each other.

"My dear friend, the first male I've met, the one who believed I had cooties," She started.  
"It coulda been possible. Ya never know." They giggled. "And you were the smart, nice chick who makes straight A's and doesn't fall for my looks. Atleast, she doesn't admit it anyway." He joked with her. She blushed a bit, but acted sly and she winked at him.

"Adds to my intelligence right?" She giggled and made him blush a bit.

"...I will miss you the most, Chris. You were my first friend, one of my only friends." He smiled at her.

"Yeah, even though I met Hatchet first, you're the only girl I'd talk to about stuff, and...talk about other girls with."

Soon, she heard a bunch of questions shouting in her head. "Kiss him already! He's waiting for you to do it! Forget the fact that he doesn't like relationships and is a chick magnet! Just kiss him, maybe he'll like it! He won't mind if he gets kissed by the geek girl! You heard what he said, you're his only friend that's a girl! You ARE special to him!" She came back to Earth as he pulled her in for a hug. His hands caressed her back.

"Maybe I can...go visit you...or something." He said.

"I'll be in Yukon if you need me. I don't think I'll be going anywhere else. It's such a big place, and I don't like moving as it is." They continued to hug. Right then, she noticed a pleasant aroma on Chris's neck. "What a pleasant aroma. Is that cologne?"

"Yeah, my dad created it all his own. Thought I'd try it." They slowly pulled away from their hug and smiled at each other, somewhat leaning close.

Before anything magical could happen, a flight attendant let them now that the flight to Yukon would depart in 2 minutes.

"...Well Chris, this is good bye. I'll always remember you, hope it's likewise for you." He smiled.

"Don't know what likewise means, but I'll miss you even more, P! Come ere, one more hug?" They hugged again.

"Remember, I'll always be in Yukon, incase you need another friend." They let go slowly, slowly letting go of each others' hands.

"...I will. Wish you the best in life bra!" She walked onto the plane, looked back at Chris and winked. He winked back.

Chris watched as the plane slowly took off into the sky. He watched it disappear into midair. It felt like she took a piece of his heart with her. He didn't understand the weird feeling. He usually didn't feel this way about girls. But this was no girl, this was Penelope, one of the makings of his childhood. What really sucks is he might not ever see her again. Then again, anything is possible, Chris thought as he walked to the food court to meet Hatchet.

Meanwhile on the plane, Penelope just looked at a picture of Chris and her together and smiled. She wasn't upset that she didn't kiss Chris back there, or that she didn't ask him out earlier. She thought it was all part of a plan. Maybe someday the two will meet again, and Penelope will finally spill her true inner feelings to Chris. Anything is possible, Penelope thought happily.


	11. A McClean Summer

Let's skip forward to when the boys were on summer vay-cay before high school. School was out and there wasn't much to do. Hatchet decided to go to a military sleep away camp for youths. So this left Chris with not much to do for the summer. This was his only real friend, considering other guys thought he was too much of a pretty boy and rejected him. Still didn't change his attractiveness towards chicks.

Sitting in his room, he layed on the bed and looked at his wallpaper. His dad managed to make a wallpaper with Chris's best studio pictures. One that would look in Chris's room would automatically know that his head and ego were larger than a supersized Zamboni. Finishing touches included some posters from current rock bands at the time like Nirvana, Treble Chargers, Glueleg, and he even had a poster of Wonder Woman, whom he was a fan of then and was one of his fantasy crushes. Looking at it all, he still tried to think of what else to do for a whole eight weeks.

He could walk around the mall and hit on the girls, or try to snag free food from the babes at the food court. Too bad I got bored of all that this year, he thought. Then he thought of Penelope, what she'd be doing for eight weeks. He was in his room wishing she'd be back from that icy, tree nature place when his father opened the door.

"Whatcha doin' tiger? Sleepin'? It's like 2 pm!" Chris looked at his dad.

"There's nothing to do Dad. Hatchet's gone for the whole summer and-" Chris couldn't admit that him, the "hot guy that has an awesome dad" had no real friends to hang out with, let alone a girl to go to the movies with. Darren, his father, already knew Chris's problem.

"I know I know. You have no other real friends and the girls just think you're hot, no need for a girlfriend, yadda yadda yadda." Chris was shocked.  
"And how'd you know that?" Darren snickered.  
"I can pretty much read your mind. I went through the same thing, called the McClean disease, only your grandpa wasn't a handsome host like I am! Which reminds me, I got something for you to do this whole summer."

About two hours later, Darren landed his private helicopter on flat grass. When they both got out, Chris had no idea where he was. He looked around, he wasn't sure what was going on. He saw slightly older kids walking around. He saw his dad walk by him.

"They're in my new season of Darren and Dangerous(Darren's reality TV show). They really bring the ratings!" Darren snickered at his own joke. "What is this place?" "I guess you haven't been watchin', huh kiddo? Anyway, this is Bonnechere Provincial Park. Well, in non nerd terms, I call it... BPP!" Chris glared.  
"That's...original." He flatly told his daring dad.

Darren gave his son a tour of the campground. He told him about the challeneges the kids would be facing, elimination processes, e.t.c. Soon, Chris saw some adult guys leave with anger. Darren, with his son following behind, walked up to the group.

"Wait, where you guys going? I needed you to test the stunts, remember?" One dude pushed him down.

"I almost got killed fool! I'm out!" The group of interns left, leaving Darren to make a phone call with his gigantic cellphone.(This is around the late 90s, so cellphones were kinda bigger then.) "Yeah, they left just now...What do you mean no others signed up?...Fine, whatever." Darren hung up, looking at his son. He suddenly got an idea.

"Chris, how'd you like to try out some super awesome crazy super stunts?" Chris looked blankly at him.  
"Wait, like..those guys did? I thought they nearly died and-"  
"Relax! You're my kid! You won't die that way, don't worry! Plus, you'll be protected by my agents so they're paid a ridiculously huge amount of money making sure that my stunt people are not killed. Buuuuut, heheh, can't promise you won't be harmed, or hurt, or have a bunch of bruises and all of that." Chris was now uneasy about this.  
"I'm not sure I wanna do this dad-"  
"Don't ya wanna have something to do for the summer? It'll put some meat on your bones too, plus, it's fun, trust me." Darren looked at Chris's skinny body. Chris decided to go with hid dad's plan after all.

So Chris decided he would spend his time at the campground with his dad. This was only because he'd have some hours of community service, in which he needed before entering high school the following year.

When Darren hosted his show, some of the campers asked who the hot dude was, I.e. his son. He kept everything a secret, refering to his intern son as "some roadie dude". Meanwhile, while Darren did his reality show tapings and whatnot, some of Darren's agents had Chris test some upcoming stunts for the campers. Some were life threatening, some were...okay, still life threatening. Nearly dying equals nearly a million viewers, totally worth it, Darren would say.

About a whole two and a half weeks later, Darren was in the spa for the 600th time in a 2 week period, and Chris was back at his dad's quarters, relaxing and fixing his three inch long dark brownish hair while unwinding from a whole day of dangerous crazy interning. He had to fix his hair a whole lot more now because of the helmets he had to wear while trying out stunts. After spending quite a while on his hair, he turned on the TV which showed the prior episodes and seasons of his dad's long running reality show.

Things blowing up, the contestants screaming and crying, animals biting them, plans to complete challenges falling apart, all of this and more as Chris had his eyes glued to the TV. My favorite things, Chris thought. Chris remembered that his dad pretty much thought of all of the challenges the contestants faced. Then he started to wonder.

I could die from all of this stunt B.S., he thought. What if I came up with some gut wrenching ideas for the contestants? Maybe he'll try them out and...I'll get paid too! I could buy that new hair dryer and that awesome tanning bed they just came out with! Not to mention see all those kids suffer from the challenges that I made up! Chris thought all of this aloud and got so evilly happy.

So he began to brainstorm ideas, he already had a whole list of them. He found a notepad and paper and spilled his brain onto it. Dreams do come true, well, for me anyway, Chris thought as he dreamed of having deliciously tan skin and perfectly straight hair that was as fluffy as Hatchet when he and Chris went to see that lovey dovey movie. No lovey doveyness on these ideas victim contestants, just a bunch of screaming and pain, hahahahaha, Chris thought as he continued to write ideas. His dad would be in the spa for another hour, so when he'd come out, he'd see his son's amazingly evil ideas.


	12. Lifechanging Decisions

Darren Mclean came out of the spa, refreshed as usual. He looked down to see his teenage son writing on a paper on the floor. He looked up.  
"Dad, lay your eyes on these." Darren took the paper and looked at it.  
"What is this, for Dad's Day?" He stopped and started pacing the room, looking at the ideas. He must've given off about 5 different facial expressions while looking at it. Soon, he dropped the paper, now giving a blank expression on his face. Chris was confused. He stood up to face his father.  
"Uh, you okay Dad?" "Am I okay? What do YOU think, you sick, twisted little puppy! I can't believe all of this vile, crazy stuff you wrote on there!" He yelled. A few seconds after, he grabbed his son and deeply embraced him. "I never thought you'd show your coconuts. You ARE my son after all!" He hugged his son, sobbing while he was at it. Chris acted embarassed.  
"Geez Dad, I don't think the Drama Queen heard you." Darren let go of him.  
"No seriously, boy! Wow! How did all this come to mind? You know what?" He walked over to a stack of papers. "You've had enough stunt craziness, you're gonna whip me up some ideas for the next five weeks!"  
"But I thought you didn't have any more stuntmen."  
"No worries, kid. I'll find 'em, even if I have to go all the way to Madagascar or whatever." Darren slipped on a robe and motioned his son to walk with him.  
"Listen Chris, this business is booming. Reality TV is the best thing since Zambonis. What you just did is gonna help me, help us all. You know, I think you may have found your passion: making people cry." Chris beamed at this.  
"Sounds fun. I just want anything that gets me rich and all that."  
"This is big money-making here. Those actors on TV get paid bunches! And the writers? Even more! The more people that watch Darren and Dangerous, the more and better ratings we get." Darren hugged his son while walking. "You might become listed in the credits as the show's writer. I'll have to keep you hidden from any paparazzis though. That could get ugly." They stopped. "So Chris, how's that sound? You'll be famous just like your 'ol dad." Chris shook his hand. "Sounds like a deal."  
So the two went back to the trailer, both happy for their upcoming successes. Fame, fortune, and my hours for high school? Win win situation, Chris thought. 


	13. Taking After Dad

Hello! So I know it's been a while since I've updated this story. Doesn't mean it's in the garbage, writer's block is a you know what! Plus, I was hooked on updating other stories and all, but I'm now starting to think of ideas to boost this story up. Chris McClean needs love too! ;)

Also, just an FYI, I believe I started this story way before TDWT existed. In TDWT, Sierra reveals that Chris was born in 1978, making the timelines all messed up in this biography. Don't worry, the places and people are the same, just the times and all. So this chapter is taking place around the summer of '92 since Chris is around 14 or 15. Anywho, on with the chapter :)

While Chris sat in his dad's luxorious cabin writing new ideas, Darren was hosting his show.

"What's goin' on, hip hoppity viewers?" Darren says to the camera, pushing his mullet hair away from his face.

"Nice mullet, grandpa" One of the mean girls said, the others laughed. Darren just laughed along. Chris was watching the show live in the cabin, laughing as well.

"He really needs to shave that thing heheheh. Hmm, that's a good idea!" He wrote it down. "The contestants...must run around with...scissors and buzzers...trying to baldinize one of the contestants." He smiles and kisses the paper. "The one who's bald first, loses!" He laughs maniacally.

"Anyway," Darren cleared his throat. "Your challenge for the day is...animal beheadement!"

The contestants gasped and looked at him cluelessly. Darren just pulled out some weapons.

"Yeah, there's tons of animals on this campground! Just use one of these tools and try to behead as many animals as you can. The numnut that brings me the most heads will win invincibilty and will win a reward!"

"Dude, who writes this stuff? That's sick even for ME!" One of the jocks said.

Darren just laughed. "Oh, no one. Just a real awesome dude, probably!"

"GET HIM SOME HELP! Animal cruelty is WRONG!" An animal lover girl cried. She just hugged a bunny and started to cry, while the rest just stared at her. This made Chris laugh.

"Choke on it, treehugger! Heheheh. I got plenty of more for ya. That is, if you're still alive next week!" He maniacally laughed, banging his fist on the table. Meanwhile, Darren came in.

"Erica's a real freak, huh? She gives me the giggles too."

Chris just laughed. "I'm surprised she didn't give up after that bug challenge! Oh, by the way, I got one of these ideas from that mullet comment." He gave his father his new list of ideas.

"I don't know why you kids hate this hair so much. It gets the ladies spicy hot!"

"Pfft," Chris rolled his eyes. "Even Mom hates that thing. You should just shave it."

"Yeah yeah," He started reading the paper. "Cliff jumping, kayak turning, paint ingesting, ooh! I'm likin' this bald challenge you got here! But, I don't know. Their parensts might sue me or something."

"As long as no one loses a body part or starts bleeding to death, they shouldn't."

"That's true, my son." Darren walked up to hug his son. "I'm really proud of you, Chris. I can already see your ten pound coconuts in your five pound sack. Keep up the good work, kay?" Darren ended the hug, walking out. "I gotta check on the deadbeats."

Chris just sat back in his chair, so happy that his father was proud of him. Best. Summer. EVER! Chris thought.

It was now the final challenge in Darren and Dangerous, i.e. the last week of summer. Chris, with a competent grin on his face, was walking through the park, listening to his walkman(this was before CD players were popular).

Chris was thinking about how much fun he had throughout the summer until he looked up at a 14 story cliff. There were many cliffs in this huge park and campground, but this was the only one that had a person hanging off of it, hanging onto his dear life.

Chris's eyes widened as he ran over towars the high cliff. He saw his father looking up. Chris hid from the camera. He had a blonde wig and glasses in his pocket. He went over to a tree and quickly putting them on, hiding his identity.

"Cmon man, you won't die!" Darren yelled to the teenage boy hanging on.

"What the heck! Yes I will! Gina died when she fell off here two weeks ago!"

"And look at her now, her face is in magazines and all! Cmon, just let go and you're promised the 20 thousand dollars!"

Ah man, Chris thought. I have to do something. He rushed over and held his arms out above the teenage boy. Darren saw his son there and glared.

"Yo! Intern dude, get out of the way!"

"No!" Chris yelled back. "I, I can't watch someone else, you know, die!"

Darren just laughed. "What are you, a romantic or something? It's not a big deal. Step outta the way."

Chris just looked up and yelled. "Dude! Just let go! I'll catch you!"

"You'll be crushed!" The boy yelled from above.

"No, my pecs are good right now, I'll be fine!"

The boy gulped and, with one final breath, let go and fell, screaming.

Chris held his arms out. As soon as the boy was close to the ground, Chris reached up and caught the boy, instantly falling to the ground.

The boy, who was named PJ, got off of the blonde haired "intern", feeling himself. "I, I'm dead. I gotta be dead!"

Darren just sighed, feeling unenthusiastic. "No, no you're not. You're alive, and you win the 20 thousand dollars. Congrats."

"Cool beans!" He hugs Chris. "Thank you so much, intern guy. You're a life saver!"

"No prob, bro. Glad you're alive."

PJ was instructed to wait by the cabin for the check, so he headed there. Darren just glared at his son, taking the wig and glasses off. "Go wait in the helicopter, and don't talk to me!" Darren walked off, leaving Chris clueless at what just happened.

On the heli-ride back home, Darren just glared, simply navigating the copter, exchanging no words to his hero son. He finally spoke up.

"Well, you finally got your dream. You're that stupid Captain Crust! Happy now?"

Chris just leaned his head on his hand, with a blank yet sad expression.

Darren continued. "PJ was a total bumpkin, Chris. He'd never be able to sue me even with the worst lawyer! Now, because he survived, we're 20 grand short."

"But dad," Chris finally spoke up. "Don't the ratings bring in money-"

"Oh, trust me. The news will definitely know who you are now! Those cameramen aren't editing a thing! They're gonna know you, Chris McClean, my son, is a softy sucky superhero-like nice guy! I'm starting to wonder if I'm even your dad. Seriously."

"Well I-"

"I mean, you didn't seem to care when Gina died."

Chris shrugged. "I was watching it from the cabin, dad, there wasn't any time!" He quieted his father with that statement. "Dad, I was just trying to save you from a lawsuit. And look, that kid won a cool 20 grand, his beef with you should be cut by now."

Darren just sighed. "I know. I don't hate you, kid. I just...I don't know." He was speechless the whole ride home. Chris just listened to Nirvana on his walkman, wondering into thought.

Maybe I have too much sympathy, he thought. You know what? I do! I shouldn't care about others I don't know! RIght? Right? Dad's right, he's always right. I am not a softy and I never will be, from this day forth.


	14. School of Hogs

The middle of August that year, Chris and Hatchet sat on the schoolbus talking about their summers and the start of high school. Chris mentioned what happened during his summer and just hung his head in shame. Hatchet simply patted his back.

"C'mon, man, nothin's worse than Fametown. Me and you both know that." He said with a chuckle. Chris shrugged in agreement.

" Right? I figured that if I wrote the music, they'd atleast not look at us as some rejects or something. We raised money for the junior high school and, heh, even got tons of crap thrown at us. Yet still couldn't even make it to the Billboard charts. Some luck." Chris rested his head on his hand.

Hatchet rolled his eyes, trying to forget his friend's painful band memories. "Look, point is, you made it through the whole thing with Fametown, you can make it through this one too, no doubt. Plus, you got to write for Darren and Dangerous, man! Not even the queen could say she did that! Even if he is your dad!"

Chris smiled. "Yeah, I did love torturing those dudes. Their faces were priceless!" Both him and Hatchet laughed to themselves. The bus came up to the bus loop, and the students got off. Chris sighed.

"I don't think he'll get over THIS incident that easy though since it was more of an impact on him."

Hatchet just groaned. "Man, quit complaining. Let's see what's in store for us." They both got up and walked off the bus.

It was around 6:45 a.m., 15 minutes til school would start. Chris and Hatchet checked out each others' schedules to see if they had any classes together.

"Awesome dude! We got 2 classes AND lunch! Bonus!" Chris hi-fived his buddy, then saw he had a home ec. cooking class. "Ew, home ec. should get the ladies, huh Cheffete?" He giggled and Hatchet just nudged his friend.

"Man, whatever. It's something to fall back on if the military don't help."

The bell rang and they slapped hands, heading to their first classes.

Chris headed to his, which was Algebra. Man, I suck at math, Chris thought. If only Pen was here to help me and just be with me here-

He exited his mind when he saw all the kids giggling as he walked into the room. He just went to his seat and leaned his head on his hand, sighing.

Some of the kids whispered things like, "That's Darren Mclean's kid!" "He's not ruthless like his dad, he's a wussy wimp!" "I bet he and his deadbeat dad end up on the street!" Some of the girls whispered that he was hot as well, but the other gossip-hungry kids made sure their comments would overlap that.

I hate celeb news, he thought. Why is my dad too cheap to pay for private school? Even homeschooling? Atleast I wouldn't have these people staring at me.

The teacher introduced himself and started assigning and handing out books. When he got up to Chris, he stopped and looked at his list.

"Name?" He asked, his eyes still on the list.

"Chri-"

"Ahh, Chris Mclean." The teacher said, looking down at him, smiling. "Welcome to Bridgestone High. Your name'll be easy to remember." He placed the book on Chris's desk, walking on.

"Who could forget Chrissy Mcqueen?" A guy said, a few seats behind him, slapping hands with his buds, laughing it up. The guy looked pretty built, even more than Chris. Though Chris was only a bit muscular at this point. This showed through his red plaid shirt and somewhat tight jeans.

Chris pushed the book aside and looked at his schedule. Only two more classes til I get my first class with Hatch, Chris thought aloud. Three more til I can go to lunch and just stare into the mirror the whole period. Atleast I can't make fun of myself-

Chris stopped and saw a girl next to him, looking at him weird. "I wasn't saying that outloud, right?"

She pushed her dark hair back, scoffing. "You said enough to make yourself look really stupid. Great job." She smiled in a fake way. This caused the guys in the back to laugh. They stopped when the teacher went in front of the class to lecture. Chris could barely focus, thinking only about what these gossip hogs think of him.

Later that day, Hatchet and Chris walked together to lunch. Only Hatchet seemed to be satisfied with his first day so far.

"I musta had about ten people asking if I was on the wrestling team. Imma keep it that way too, can't let them know that I'm...freshmeal." Hatchet whispered to his friend.

They were in the lunch line now. Chris just grinned. "I dunno, bro. The kids here seem to know more about people than you would think."

"What's up? Did someone try to get a picture of ya?"

"Not exactly." They were gathering food for lunch. "But I think they recognize my rep."

They got all the food they needed, went through the line and walked to an empty table.

"I always think it like this," Hatchet started, using his drumstick as a microphone. "If people keep their business to theirselves, no one will pay attention..to you." He bit off a piece of the leg.

Chris only twirled his spaghetti, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, like that'll help me here. Every TV station you turn to, something is always mentioned about me. How sappy I am, how wussy I am, anything you can think of. The rumors are the WORST! Celeb Seekerz said I secretly slaughter canines for their meat and that I keep the skulls on my wall. Oh yeah, they still can't stop talking about my beautiful wall. You know, with all my beautiful headshots covering it and whatnot? " (Celeb Seekerz is the Celebrity Manhunt of the 90s. It fades out later on like most gossip shows always do.)

Hatchet spit out his milk. "CS said all that? Damn man, that means EVERYONE'S heard it!"

Chris just crossed his arms angrily. "You're not helping!"

Hatchet shrugged. "My first period teacher said take everything you hear with a grain of pepper."

Chris just looks at his friend oddly. "Hatch, I didn't even expect that to come out of YOUR mouth." He puts his head down on the table with stress. "Dude, I-I dunno if I can handle all this. I might melt to tomato juice before the rumors get worse."

Hatchet grabs his friend's shoulders and shakes him. "Chris man, you gotta lighten up! It's the first freakin' day! You're makin' a big deal outta nothin'!"

Chris sits his head up and looks at Hatchet depressingly, "But there's like...180 days left of school. I'll never-"

"No there's not, you times that by four years here, man. You better learn to cope and take this crap full force! Be a MAN! Show these suckas you ain't takin' nothin'...from ANYBODY!"

The cafeteria went quiet for a second, then resumed normal volume.

Hatchet let go of Chris's shoulders, while Chris had wide eyes. "Wow, Hatchy. Wow. I, I dunno what to say. You...are really inspirational."

The bell rang. Hatchet picked up his tray. "Just use the advice, ya big drama queen. I'll see you in 6th period." With that, they slapped hands and they each left.

However, a certain duo was watching them leave, them both looking evilly at the famous father's son. Revenge will be yours, and your name will instead, be McDirt! One of them thought.


End file.
